Well, today was not my day, it was one of those no-good, terrible horrible, very bad days! Nothing went right, I woke up late, I spilled my coffee, I was low on gas, traffic, and I forgot the activity I had planned for work. The list goes on and on. We have all been there, we have all had bad days. Although, the question is how do you handle a bad day? You know what I did, I made a point of ordering Starbucks; I watched my favorite tv show when I got home and made a special treat yo self-dinner. As adults we get to do those things, we get to engage in self-care when we are feeling down and are encouraged to do so. We take days off, buy things that make us happy, and complain to the people we love.
As Lily Tomlin once said, "I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain." But what about kids?
Do they have no good, terrible, horrible, very bad days too? Umm yeah!! Although, the difference is that kids don't always get to wallow in their bad days as much as adults do. We as adults often only want to see children experience one emotion. Happiness. We don't want to see kids feeling sad, angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed. Why? Because it makes us uncomfortable. Now am I saying to let kids sit alone while they cry or scream? Nah no Ferber method here. What you can do, is offer comfort, and validation.
Q: But what if my child is having a meltdown in Target, you really want me to comfort and validate their emotions?
A: Let me teach you a theory that might shift your perspective on big emotions.
Alright, let's step into the classroom!!
There is a phenomenon called The Broken-Cookie
Watch the video below because Dr. Solter describes this beautifully!!
I'm obsessed with Dr. Solter, so please read more about her program.
Okay does this make sense? Does this help you better understand your child's emotions? It might just seem like your child is getting upset over the cookie (which seems weird) but really it's so much more. Going back to my bad day, had I not comforted myself and validated my emotions I might have lost it at the end of the day.
Trust, me no one wants an upset child, and dealing with meltdowns is not for the weak. But before you get upset or annoyed at your child take a minute to think "what would I want someone to do if I was having big feelings?" You probably would want someone to offer comfort and kindness.
The more compassion we show our children the more they show us.
Cool, hope you guys learned a little more about your child and their emotional development!!
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